Thursday, March 31, 2016

Chain, Chain, Chain....Chain of Crochet Fools

I've seen some crazy crocheted jewelry. Hell, I've made and worn some. But the only legitimate use I can see for this project is if you're at a protest trying to make a point about being enslaved. Still it's a pretty big waste of time and yarn.


Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Not Just a Hobby~


PIckles Anyone?

I understand that folks want to fancy-fy up your home and make it cutesy and all that... but really who wastes yarn and time crocheting a jar of pickles? They are kind of cute. But why do this?


Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Dream House!

Downloaded the blueprint and am saving up now!


Granny Square Abuse - The Ladies

Using Granny Squares for ladies garments isn't any better than all those poor sad sack guys yesterday in snuggies and pajamas. Just say 'NO'!



Monday, March 28, 2016

Uh Oh! In Trouble Now!

From Facebook:


Granny Should Be THAT Square

We cannot avoid it any longer - Granny Square Abuse! Granny Squares are lovely in afghans and blankets, but not so lovely in things like snuggies and pajamas. What were these crafters thinking? Were hallucinogenics involved?





Sunday, March 27, 2016

Don't Put All Your Easter Bumps In One Basket

Want to terrify children? Be vaguely and inappropriately sexual on a religious holiday? Have bumps that make no effing sense all over your fuzzy semi-bunny-like torso? This is for you. But seriously, if you commit this crime with yarn and hook there's a nice padded cell pining for you somewhere....

Happy Easter and good luck not having nightmares about Easter bunnies after looking at this bad bunny.


Saturday, March 26, 2016

Eggszactly!

There are so many very cute, beautiful and artistic crocheted Easter baskets out there I'm puzzled why anyone thought this egg basket with pirate theme was perfect for celebrating the resurrection of the Savior.  It's resurrection, not resurwrecktion...


Cock and Bull, Errr, Balls Story

 When I first stumbled across this travesty in yarn I thought it might be a snuggy for a kitten or an armless baby. I was sad to discover that this is for Mr. Happy and his balls! Since when does any man need a leg warmer for his dick? Serious? Maybe if you lived in the frozen Yukon and had nudist proclivities. Anywhere else this is just a big big no-no!


Friday, March 25, 2016

Doilies Belong on Tables, Not Butts

A couple of years back a visiting friend and I were shopping at Kohl's department store, trying on clothing and just yakking it up. One of us spotted some machine crocheted short shorts the store was pushing, very pricey with a designer label on them. My friend said something like, 'Oh look! Butt Doilies!'

They weren't as skimpy as these, but just as wrong. Please don't waste your time crocheting a doily for your ass.


Doilies belong on tables not asses.....

Make this instead....


Thursday, March 24, 2016

Who Wears Short Shorts?

I don't know, but I love how the brown streaks go up and down the crack of the butt to disguise any possible skid marks...


Does This Consititute 1970s Gay Cruisewear?

I'm starting with some very awful patterns that people actually PAID for in the 70s. Ah, the days of disco, awful garish fashions and things that never should be crocheted!


That 'modesty panel' in the front looks suspiciously like a crocheted maxi pad.