Saturday, April 16, 2016

Don't Ever Google 'Crocheted Sex Toy Cozy'

Earlier in the week over at the site I admin No Longer Quivering we quoted a lunatic fundamentalist pastor who warned that women's sex toys contained demons. If women's sex toys had demons in them then wouldn't the batteries last longer and you'd never be able to put them down.

After we all had a laugh over that I googled the above term. Oh lawdy NO! Here are some of the more safe for work things I turned up.

A bunch of sweaters for Mr. Happy.

I even got to see Granny Square abuse in the form of a crocheted dildo. Still not sure what the purpose is. Can you hide your vibrator in there?

And a dildo cozy....

All of which left me feeling like this.........

Thursday, April 14, 2016

How Do You Clean THAT?

Okay, so I know this was crocheted for an artist's show, but damn, what an ugly waste of time. Not such much a yarn waste because that yarn, well, you know.. ugly ugly ugly... and to think I found it because I'd been googling for vibrator cozies. Don't ask.

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Dumpling Kitties!

I just love this!

The 1970s Was a Colorful Era

Colorful as in the colors would blind you. Some color combinations seemed like they wanted to invoke a seizure in everyone within a linear mile like an old Nintendo game flashing on the television before you pulled it out and blew gently on the end of it.

Pattern Archive and Counting

Turns out there's a pattern archive for knitting that goes back more than a hundred years. More than 300 pattern books. Okay, so it is knitting, but knitting patterns aren't that difficult to convert to crochet. I'm sure there are hundreds of hideous projects lurking in the pages.

From Open Culture - The Online Knitting Reference Library

..and I leave you with this...

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Soft Kitty, Fluffy Kitty

Nothing snarky to say for a change except I love this snuggly for baby. Pretend your baby is a kitty. Aww, look at those precious pink paw pads!

Sunday, April 10, 2016

Keeping Your Chickens Toasty Warm

There's nothing wrong with this design. I can't even find anything snarky to say about the yarn or the construction. But I have to ask 'Why'? Why crochet a sweater for your chicken? I do not get it.

Saturday, April 9, 2016

What Does This Cover?

I must be getting old because I really do not get why you would crochet bikini bottoms, even cute Minion themed bottoms, and leave out the part that covers your parts! There's something to be said for leaving at least a little bit of mystery.

Friday, April 8, 2016

Unhip To Be Granny Square

More abusing of Granny Squares. And yarn. And time.

But it might be the very look you're striving for at a Grateful Dead concert.

Thursday, April 7, 2016

Choke Her

Okay, so I know crocheters love to use up their yarn scraps and love to make accesories but this choker is a no-go. You make this and actually wear it on the street and the 'oohs' and 'ahs' you'll hear are only to indicate how surprised they are that you are not locked away in a nice padded room somewhere wearing a straight jacket, a straight jacket that will prevent you from crocheting in the first place...poor poor buttons!

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Hair Raising!

Did you know that crocheted wigs are a thing? A real thing? The two I'm showing here are clearly meant to be worn as part of a Halloween or Mardi Gras costume, but with the price of yarn and the time investment in crocheted pieces you'd be much better off going some place like Rite Aid or Party City and buying a cheap costume wig!

First the Elvis...

Followed by the Marge Simpson..

Looks itchy and time-consuming...

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Vested Uninterest

The 1970s were a particularly ugly time both fashion-wise and in the world of crafting. Bad uses of fabrics and yarns, plus the struggle of trying to make something for your male friend. Too bad much of what we were making back then looked so atrocious! Perhaps if they were made in yarns in better colors. These look like they were crocheted in rejected colors in that hella itchy Red Heart yarn.

Saturday, April 2, 2016

More Granny Square Abuse - Home Decor Version

I like decorating my home as much as the next woman. Plus I enjoy crochet! You know what I hate? Using Granny Squares in crazy ways. No matter how you dress it up you're putting an ugly blanket on that lampshade and that's just not cool..