Tuesday, June 28, 2016

You Wanna Piece of Me?

I sincerely hope this was made for a costume and not for a serious accessory. The model looks unhappy.

Dammit! Now I'm hungry.....

Sunday, June 26, 2016

Stop Trying To Make This Happen!

I picked up the newest issue of Interweave Crochet magazine today and found an article showing guys wearing shorts like these... THESE!!!!!

Now I know some hipster girl started making and selling these things on Etsy and that some idiot writing for Salon or the Huffington Post tried to proclaim that these shorts made up of your granny's old afghans are the newest cool thing, but no. They just look ridiculous, like you're wearing your granny's old afghan. That's not a good luck for anyone. Just thinking about how hot and itchy all that awful cheap Red Heart yarn is against your thighs is enough to make this a no-no for anyone.

Thursday, June 23, 2016

Walking on Water Crochet

Did you know you can get a crocheted Jesus online? Order Him up just in time for whatever religious holiday you want. Or make Him yourself.

If Puppet Savior doesn't do it for you just order the larger model.

Monday, June 20, 2016

Poisonous Crochet

Today I had an interesting experience. I was out shopping with a friend and I had to dissuade her from buying a shirt and cowboy hat that only needed torn up jeans and a bandana to make her look like the bastard love child of fat Axl Rose and Bret Michaels of Poison. The hat was a painted straw cowboy hat. Friends do not let friends dress up like Bret Michaels.

Which led me to wonder if there was any bizarre crochet of crochet dolls of the former Poison lead singer. The only doll I found was this dog chew toy of Michaels from his Pet Smart pet toy collection. I'm not sure I understand the corporate logic that equates Michaels with pets. The connection is seriously missing from here.

But apparently some crocheter took her love of Bret Michaels pretty far and did a portrait of him in yarn....she took it pretty far....

Is it just me or does he seem to have fetal alcohol syndrome eyes here?

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Will This Thing Rip Off Your Face?

Sock monkeys are supposed to be cute, cute, inoffensive, sweet and cuddly. This particular sock monkey on this crocheted water bottle pouch looks like he's thinking about biting your face off with his scary sharp teeth the second you are distracted.

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Drunk Hat

I have a confession to make. I got just very slightly hammered tonight making a Facebook video that involved a crude drinking game. I'm soberish now but figure this hat is something you might end up wearing after enough tequila shots. Or maybe crocheting it. I don't know....

Friday, June 10, 2016

Toilet Paper Roll Cozies

While some of the older cozies are pretty scary I kind of miss them, the silly kitsch aspect of having a crocheted belled out dress on a doll hiding your toilet paper roll. Sometimes it was a crocheted flower sitting above a pile of ruffled yarn stitches. I seem to remember them in almost everyone I knew homes back in the sixties. Like this one...

Here's a vintage doll skirt hiding the wiping paper...

Here's a more modern one that just made me laugh out loud! I always wondered what I was going to do with my daughter's old Barbies.. now I have inspiration!

And one to give you nightmares! Very imaginative and creative, but... no thanks. I sometimes stumble into the bathroom in the middle of the night and I don't relish jumping out of my skin!

This one is the sweetest...

Thursday, June 9, 2016

Crocheted Toilet Paper? Uh, No Thanks Man...I'll Just Use a Phone Book Page

During my years in fundamentalist Christianity I got to see some pretty creative ways of cutting down on expenses, like yesterday's rewashable homemade sanitary napkins. But one of the ideas that squicked me out the most was the idea of the 'family cloth' - homemade rewashable toilet paper made out of either flannel or crocheted cotton.

Like this...

Lots of fundamentalist Christian mommas with sewing machines and copious amounts of time make these and sell them on Etsy. My question is how on earth can you possibly get these are clean as disposable toilet paper. It seems the amount of bleach, scrubbing and extra laundry expenses would cancel out any sort of savings. Face it, Charmin is just not that expensive. If money is that much of a problem you could always use old phone book pages or catalogs or corn shucks like they did long ago.

I could economize on a lot of things. Toilet paper is not one of those things I would skimp on.

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

Menstruation and Crochet

So this afternoon in the middle of a pounding blinding headache I got the bad idea to google up the term 'Crocheted Tampon Cozy'....

Most were very cute, like this one..

But then we suddenly slipped into The Dark Side......

First up  crocheted tampons. Okay, so I understand that buying tampons every month can add up and that having a reusable option appeals to some folks... but for the love of God get a Keeper! At least you can run a Keeper through the sanitizer cycle on your dishwasher. These things? Gagging thinking about the soaking and washing of crocheted tampons. Is it even really possible to get them clean-clean, 100% sanitized and ready for reuse without giving yourself Toxic Shock Syndrome or some version of the cotton-clap?

Of if you're a pad wearing kind of a gal they have the crocheted version of that too. No less unsanitary and making laundry day seem like you're doing the laundry at a bad bloody horror movie.

Monday, June 6, 2016

Drag Queens and Eye Balls, Oh My!

Craziest drag queen crocheted costume I've seen in ages. Miss Thang who you trying to keep your eyes on? Eye see you!

Now for the straight white girl version...

That third eye is making me kind of blind...

Sunday, June 5, 2016

Game of Thrones Preciousness

On Sundays I'm going to be posting the crochet projects I love. I've already posted a few good ones like the baby wrap that looks like a kitty right down to the pink paw pads and dumpling kitties.

Today's is someone's take on the major characters from HBO's "Game of Thrones"

Who can resist a tiny Imp or Ice King?